There’s no denying I am an introvert though and through. Big crowds overwhelm me. One-on-one hangouts are my thing. I crave deep conversation. Small talk is literally the worst ever. Meeting new people is draining. Hanging out with my closest family and friends lights me up. If you can relate – you’re probably an introvert too! Not sure if you’re an introvert or extrovert?Wondering where you lie on the introvert/extrovert scale? Take this free test! When it comes to dating – there’s plenty to know in terms of connecting with an introvert. Today I’m teaming up with Nicholle of Topknots and Pearls to share the most effective dating habits for introverts and extroverts. Miss social butterfly herself (with a dash of introversion) Nicholle will cover dating as an extrovert and ya introverted girl herself (me!) will discuss dating as an introvert! Enjoy.
SINGLE & DATING
Put a time limit on your dates
If you’re an introvert – connecting with people (especially multiple!) can be exhausting AF. It’s important to conserve your energy and put a time stamp on your dates. How do you do this? Get real busy. Gently mention beforehand you’re busy but have an hour to grab coffee. Your date doesn’t have to know these plans involve decompressing on the couch afterwards.
Opt for an activity based date
Talking to a complete stranger for an hour can be draining. Take the edge off and opt for an activity based date! It can be as simple as bowling or a dog walk. This way you can talk to each other – however there isn’t pressure to have an ongoing dialogue.
Limit the amount of first dates you agree to
Remember that time I went on 3 first dates in a week? Neither do I. Pretty such I blacked out 40 mins into my third date. It’s just too much for me. If you are drained from first dates (like me!) limit one date maximum per week. This will allow you to be in the best state of mind when you do opt for a date.
If you’re an introvert – own it! If he wants to take you out dancing and you’re not up for it – recommend another date option. Don’t try to pretend you’re super social if you’re not. Don’t overwhelm yourself with back-to-back dates with someone if you know you’ll get burned out. If your date is interested – he’ll understand your need for personal space.
Dear Extroverts Going On Dates With Introverts:
Contrary to popular belief – we do love going on dates and conversing! But we can get overwhelmed meeting new people so please be patient with us. Remember: small talk doesn’t stimulate us. Talk to us about things that matter. We can become overstimulated in loud, crowded places. Take us somewhere cozy and intimate instead. We often love activities – take us on a fun excursion! If we seem drained by the end of the date – it’s probably because you talked our head off. It has nothing to do with you. Suggest short dates until we get to know you. If we need a day or two afterwards to decompress after our date – don’t take it personally. Ask us when would be convenient for us to meetup again.
IN A RELATIONSHIP
Communicate y0ur needs
If you need space – tell him. I once dated this guy who wanted to see me every single day at the beginning of our relationship. Who could blame him? Kidding. I had to set a clear boundary from the start – I told him I needed 2-3 days a week to myself. I explained it wasn’t that I didn’t want to see him, I just need time to myself every week. He was respectful of my wishes and made seeing him so much more enjoyable!
Explain why time alone is necessary to recharge
It can be difficult to understand why introverts need time alone to recharge. This is because socializing and being with people actually recharges their energy! Extroverts often take it personally if we don’t want to spend time with them. In all reality – it has nothing to do with them. It’s our poor brains needing time to cool off. If your partner still doesn’t understand – send them this well written article on the science behind introversion.
Tell your partner when you’re on the verge of burnout
Introvert burnout is so real. Sometimes we can feel so overwhelmed and overstimulated we become physically uncomfortable and angry. It’s important to let your partner know you’re feeling this way. Otherwise, an unnecessary argument may occur. I simply say “I love being with you but I’m feeling overwhelmed and need my introvert time”. Your partner should know to respect this time.
Connect with your partner though stimulating conversation
As mentioned before, small talk isn’t our forte. We prefer speaking on topics we feel passionate about – or have meaning to us. We really don’t care about the weather or something Susan said that was kinda bitchy. Encourage meaningful conversation with stimulating questions.
Dear Extroverts In A Relationship With Introverts:
We love and cherish your time with us! But sometimes we just get mentally burned out. Please give us space when we ask for it. Understand it has nothing to do with you. We love connecting with stimulating conversations, activities and more! Remember to check in on us mentally. We can be hard on ourselves sometimes and force social situations. If we are burnt out – suggest being together without needing to converse. Watching a movie together and cuddling sounds just about perfect.
Resources For Introverts:
Make sure to check out Nicholle’s post on dating an extrovert here!
Catch Up On My Dating Series:
First Date Horror Stories