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First off, know this post was written by a very frustrated late 20-something female who is unsure where the F her Mr. Right is. He’s late to the party. Actually, at this point I’m not even sure he got the invite. Go figure.
So you’ve found yourself single and wondering where Mr. Right is. You know, the one that makes all your dreams come true. Or, the one that you can split rent with. Whichever way you want to look at it. So what to do when you’re playing the waiting game? I’ve compiled a list of 10 things to do if you’re feeling fed up or better yet, pissed off. Also, I totally feel like a modern-day Carrie Bradshaw and I’m not hating it. Ps. Today’s post is a collaboration with blogger babe Nicholle from Topknots and Pearls. She’s sharing her walk with singleness – so make sure to check out her post afterwards! Without further ado, 10 things to do when Mr. Right is MIA.
1. Practice patience. Don’t settle.
Patience is an 8-letter word that seems to be my arch nemesis this year. Everyone tells you to be patient, he’ll magically show up “when it’s the right time”. Girl, I’ve heard it all. But here’s the thing: I refuse to settle. And neither should you. Don’t just wait for the one who makes your heart swoon. Wait for the one who shows you respect. Who treats you as an equal. Yes, they’re out there. You just have to weed out the boys from the men.
2. Focus on yourself.
Instead of sulking about your singleness (don’t worry we’ve all been there) it’s time to focus on yourself. Become the best version of yourself. Whatever that looks like. Dive headfirst into work. Hate your job? Spend time hunting down your dream job. Spend time with friends. Have sucky friends? Cut them out. Make new ones. Surround yourself with uplifting people. There are a ton of women out there just waiting to befriend you. Take up a new hobby. Become an expert in something. Treat yourself to monthly massages. Treat yourself to bi-monthly therapy sessions. Now is the time to discover what makes you happy outside of a relationship. Have fun with your freedom.
3. Skip romantic movies/books
If it resembles The Notebook in any way, skip it. Listen, I used to be the #1 fan of cheesy Nicholas Sparks books/movies. Not anymore. I replaced the fictional stories filled with unrealistic expectations of what love should look like with books that actually inspire me. If you haven’t read Girl, Wash Your Face by Rachel Hollis, get to it! This book breaks down the lies us women are fed leaving us feeling unworthy and provides practical strategies to take back our power. It will leave you laughing (and crying) in the best possible way.
4. Understand you are not looking for your “other half”
You see it all the time on social media: “Happy birthday to my better half”. “Just got back from Greece with my other half”. This “better half”/”other half” nonsense has to stop. Girls, with or without a significant other you are whole just as you are. You’re not half a specimen looking for their counterpart to make them complete. I believe this “other half” terminology is detrimental to our self-esteem. It’s so hard to fall victim to the pressures of society urging you to find your spouse. Trust me, I get it all the time. One of the first questions I get at every family gathering is “are you dating anyone new”? It’s frustrating. No, I’m not, but what about my work accomplishments? What about my exciting upcoming travels? There’s so much more to your identity than your relationship status. You’re whole.
5. Find your happy place
Now is the best time to find your happy place. When I say happy place, I mean your literally happy place. Don’t love your city? Now is the time to move around and figure out where you want to be. Trust me, it’s much easier to do it now with no strings attached. Have you always wanted to live in North Carolina? Now is the time to start looking for job postings in North Carolina. If you’re a lucky duck who is free to work from home: there’s no excuses! Find a city you are passionate about. A city that makes you feel at home. Then when Mr. Right comes around, you’re right where you want to be.
6. Pack your bags and travel the world
In my opinion, one of the greatest ways to discover yourself is to travel. It may be cliche, but sometimes you have to get lost to find yourself. Find someone you trust and travel the world. Or do it alone. There’s something about leaving your comfort zone that makes you stretch and grow. I understand not everyone has the luxury to pack up shop and travel for weeks on end. Road trips can also prove to be good for the soul. Whatever you do, get out of your city. Skip the staycation and go someplace new.
7. Get in the right head space
Let’s be real: being single can take a toll on your self-esteem at times. It can be difficult to see couples all around you flourishing. The “why not me” mentality can be draining. But, it happens. You’re not alone. Sometimes, feelings of hopelessness can arise and trigger anxiety or depression. It’s important to know the difference between feeling “down” and feeling “nothing”. It’s common to experience periods of sadness and anger, but if you start feeling an overwhelming numbness or debilitating anxiety it’s time to get professional help. Chemical imbalances in the brain are no joke and require medical attention. Just like if you broke your foot, you’d go to the hospital. Simple as that. For more information on getting help click here.
8. Decorate your living space
Okay, this may sound dumb, but hear me out. Now is the time to decorate your living space just as you want it. Living with Mr. Right may be great and all, but it can limit the home decor options (unless your s/o approves of a pink duvet, in which case kudos to them!). Don’t worry, I’m not talking about an extreme home makeover either. Adding small touches such as a new rug or pillows can add a little bit of life and newness. My favorite, find wall decor that includes some uplifting #bossbabe quotes. Waking up every day surrounded by beauty and inspiring quotes can instantly shift your mind frame. Shop affordable home decor goodies here!
9. Experience the greatest love: self-love
Growing up I believed the greatest love story of all time is finding a partner, falling in love, getting married and having kids. I became more frustrated over the years when relationships didn’t work out. What I failed to realize was I had already found the greatest love of my life. Actually, I met her when I was born. It was myself. Self-love is a love that’s often downplayed. Some of the most beautiful, smart, rich, people I have met absolutely hate themselves. Falling in love with yourself isn’t as easy as it sounds. Loving yourself means accepting all the flaws, the shortcomings, the wrinkles, the empty bank account, the C+ on your final assignment. It means loving yourself through the hard time and the struggles. The singleness, the loneliness, all of it. Falling in love with yourself is accepting yourself just as you are.
10. If you don’t need a Mr. Right, that’s okay too
Y’all, it’s 2018. If you don’t want/need a Mr. Right, that’s okay. If you want a Mrs. Right, that’s okay too. The definition of a family unit is evolving to include more lifestyle choices. The pressure to be married with kids at 30 is dwindling. So many women are waiting to settle down and instead focus on their career. My mom was 31 when she had me and, in my humble opinion, she’s the world’s best mom. Luckily I grew up in a household where my parents told me to not even think about marriage until I was 30. Unfortunately, that’s not the case for many women. If anyone is making you feel pressured to find your dream guy and settle down, politely dismiss them.
Make sure to check out Nicholle’s post on getting stood up – It’s a good one!
Want more? Check out my dating mini series: