Tinder. Bumble. Hinge. Coffee Meets Bagel. Crosspaths. Plenty of Fish. Match. So many dating apps, so little time. When you’re looking for a relationship – it can sometimes feel hopeless in a sea of players. You know, those guys (or gals) who lead to you to believe they care about you – but just want to get laid. *Ultimate eye roll*. Before we start this post, know I’m not hating on men or women who want to have casual sex. To each their own. This post focuses on individuals who are deceitful about their intentions. Those who are looking for a quick fix to boost their egos. This breed is particularly foul as they can severely fracture our trust in men. After online dating for a few years, I’ve caught on to several patterns of players. If you’re looking for a relationship or something exclusive – it’s best to nip these men in the bud. After all, you don’t have any time to waste! Without further ado, here are 10 ways to spot a player on dating apps. Grab a glass of rose and let’s get started!
10 Ways To Spot A Player On Dating Apps
Disclaimer: these tips are a compilation of data I’ve retrieved over the past 2 years (2017-2019). Findings are from heterosexual males in their late twenties – early thirties. These tips are derived from my experiences alone.
1. He’s Not Here For A Long Time (But A Good Time)
If he’s here on vacation, or for a work conference, or to visit family – chances are he’s not looking for anything serious. Even worse, there is a chance he may already be taken. Unless you’re looking for something casual, stay clear of the tourists.
2. He Doesn’t Ask You Questions About Yourself
This is probably my biggest pet peeve in the dating world. An entire conversation flowing around one person. Even worse, every conversation flowing around one person. If all he talks about is himself he’s either 1) a poor conversationalist 2) just not that into you. Ladies, this happens ALL. THE. TIME. And I’m over it. You should be, too! Players are very egotistical and love talking about themselves. If he doesn’t care enough to ask you basic questions on a dating app to get to know you, chances are he’s not in it for the right reasons.
3. He Immediately Invites You To His Place For Drinks
If he’s trying to get you to his place on the first date – chances are he’s trying to physical with you. No matter how sweet he bio seems (loves his mom and has two dogs) if he wants you alone at his place (with alcohol involved) he’s got one thing on his mind. And it’s not your feelings.
4. He’s Flexing
No seriously, he’s literally flexing his muscles in every dang photo in his dating profile. He’s also shirtless. Unless he’s had a miraculous weight transformation, excessive gym selfies are just obnoxious and often suggest a player.
5. The Conversation Gets Sexual
When it comes to a player, the conversation online pre-first date will likely turn sexual. He may compliment your body a little too much or ask you sex related questions. He may take it one step further and ask for a riské /nude photo (that’s right, before he meets you!). Yes, this happens.
6. He Doesn’t Have A Bio
Dating apps are about making connections. Since dating apps bring two complete strangers together, a written bio or “about me” in a dating profile is essential in getting to know someone. In my experience, the majority of men with no biography (about them section) aren’t looking for something serious. To me, a lack of bio demonstrates a lack of effort. If someone is looking for a relationship or something serious, they will put in the effort to fill out their profile completely. Now there are a *few* exceptions to this rule. Maybe he just downloaded the app a few days ago and hasn’t had time to fill it out. Maybe he…yeah that’s the only excuse.
7. He’s Over The Top Smooth
If it seems too good to be true – it probably is. If he says all the right things and has all the right answers this could be a red flag. Players often easily manipulate girls, especially those desperately looking for our Mr. Right. My piece of advice: don’t take everything someone says. at face value. Don’t listen to their words – watch their actions. Words mean nothing if they don’t act on them.
8. He Doesn’t Have His S#*t Together
Excuse my French, but if he doesn’t have it together, he’s not ready for a relationship and he’s wasting your time. You’d be surprised at how many men blatantly spell it out for you in their profiles. This week alone I saw someone write they are “emotionally unavailable” another wrote “…also I am a bit of a f#@k up so have low expectations. and then you won’t be disappointed lol”. There are so many great men out there. Swipe left.
9. He’s Inconsistent With His Communication
He matches with you one day. Doesn’t speak to you for two days. Checks in on you on day 3. You don’t hear from him for another few days. He has other priorities that don’t involve you. Next.
10. He’s Looking For “Something Casual”
Let’s give a round of applause to the men who own it. So they’re not looking for something serious. That’s okay – at least they’re being honest about it. So ladies. When his profile says he’s looking for something casual, believe him. Men will phrase this in many ways “not looking for anything serious, looking for fun, in town for the weekend”. Don’t go into a date thinking you will change his mind because you’re different.
Make sure to check out my gal pal Nicholle’s post on her experience with players here!