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I never thought I’d see the day I was a happy single girl. Since I was 17, I’ve always been in long-term relationships. Casual dating has never been my thing – what can I say, I’m a relationship girl! After my last breakup, I expected to be miserable until I found my next partner. However, with time and patience I have learned to be fulfilled and happy as a single girl. While I’m happy now, it’s important to know I didn’t always feel this way – there were plenty of nights loneliness consumed me and I cried myself to sleep. As a newly single girl, I desperately needed guidance and most importantly – I needed hope. This post is intended to be the hope you need, sweet single girl. If you’re taken, but know a single girl – send this post her way. It may be just what she needs. Without further ado, I’m sharing 10 things that helped me find my happy!
How To Be Happy When You’re Single
1. Make time for friends and family
First and foremost, if you’re newly single you absolutely need a support system. Fresh after a breakup, feelings of loneliness can be paralyzing. Now is the time to lean on your family and friends. It’s important to communicate your feelings with them and let them know you need support. Whether it be a 2 hour long crying session, or an outdoor hike – whatever you need, let them know because they can’t help you if they don’t know what you need. Try your hardest not to isolate yourself for long periods of time. For introverts like me, this can be challenging as we typically revert back to this state when hurt. Push yourself to get out of the house and be with people who love you.
2. Find a community
In my experience, after a breakup you need to stay as distracted as possible. The longer you sit and dwell in your sorrows the deeper of a hole you’ll find yourself in. Stay busy and find a community you can connect with. Whether it’s taking a photography class or joining a sport – do it. I personally found community through church. For me, it was a safe place to let out my feelings and be embraced with open arms by complete strangers. I found friends who cared for me – when they barely knew me.
3. Find single girlfriends
You may be thinking – between family, friends and those in a community group, how many more people do you need in your life? Let me tell you sister, you need a few single girlfriends. You need to find girls in the same boat – a special bond forms between two people climbing the same mountain. Find girls who share your pain and know you’re not alone. Encourage each other, cry together, be together. If you don’t have any single friends – make some! Ask around and find girls who are newly single. There’s a sea of them out there and they’re probably looking for you too.
4. Give Yourself TLC
Go easy on yourself. Stop beating yourself up or thinking about how you screwed up. You didn’t. Everything happens for a reason and you’re where you’re supposed to be at this very moment. It’s time to treat yo self honey. Plan a trip with some friends. If you’re on a budget – get a manicure or pedicure, a massage, take a mental health day from work, go for a long run or see a therapist. It’s important you make yourself a priority during this tough time. Listen to your body and if you need to cry – go for it, just remember to give yourself grace. I remember the weeks following my breakups I’d allow myself an hour a day to break away from the anger and sadness. One hour a day I’d be okay. I would escape from the pain and enjoy myself. Sometimes an hour is all it takes to start re-building.
5. Write down your feelings
Something that helped me was to write down my feelings. Writing helped me release the thoughts circling in my head. If you don’t have a journal – get one. Write down how you’re feeling each day and don’t sugar coat it. Scream into the pages with your words, write a letter to your ex, tell them how you’re feeling and remember, this letter isn’t for them – it’s for you. Journals help to chronicle your journey and you’ll be able to look back and see how you’ve progressed. Even if it’s baby steps.
6. Remind yourself why your past relationships didn’t work out
In addition to writing down your feelings, write down the reasons why your relationship didn’t work out. Create a note on your phone and list the reasons you’re not compatible with your ex. Write down all the things your partner did that annoyed you. Write down the things they did that hurt you. If you’re second guessing the breakup – open your phone and re-read that note. It will reassure you it wasn’t meant to be and that you deserve better.
7. Sleep with big pillows
This may sound silly, but my bed felt super empty when I was newly single. If you’re used to sleeping next to your partner, fill it with big pillows! It will make your bed feel full again. If you have a pet, let them sleep on your bed. Bonus hack: take advantage of this time and sleep horizontally. Take up all the space you need! This 5’10 girl loves all the leg room she can get!
8. Make a single girl to-do list
Get excited about the future. Plan a fun single girl to-do list. Fill it with all the things you can’t do when you’re settled down with a family. Plan a spontaneous trip to Florida (and come visit me!). Paint your entire house pink. Plan a weekend in Vegas with the girls and flirt with cute boys. Do it all and have fun. Who knows, this may be the last time you’re ever single.
9. Don’t compare your timeline others
*Every single girl scrolling through social media* “OMG IS EVERYONE GETTING ENGAGED/ PREGNANT??”. Everyone seems to announce their milestones once you become single. Let’s be honest, it stings. If you find yourself comparing your life to others, it’s time to take a break from social media. Scrolling through people’s highlight reels while you’re in a tough spot isn’t healthy. Remove the apps from your phone so you’re not tempted to log in and for the love of God BLOCK YOUR EX ON ALL SOCIAL MEDIA PLATFORMS. You’ll thank me later!
10. Be hopeful about the future
Have faith that you’ll find your person one day. It may not be in the time-frame you want, but it will happen. Trust me, easier said than done. I still struggle with this one, but having faith is a gift to yourself. Take this time and become the person you want to be when you meet your future partner. Get to a happy place before you start dating again and get to know yourself without a partner. If you’re not ready to date – don’t rush it! Being single can be a treat and enjoy it while it lasts.
Ready to date? Check out my Dating Guide For Millennials!
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I want to know how you found happiness as a single girl!
Let’s lift each other up in the comments below! If you need support or reassurance know my inbox is always open to you babes – mashelle.blog@gmail.com.
Photos by Marie Ernst
