Dating burnout is a real thing that doesn’t get talked about often enough. I can tell you I’ve experienced it several times in my dating life – and it sucks. When you’re looking for a relationship or partner but can’t seem to find a connection date after date – it can feel exhausting. Keep reading for a full explanation of dating burnout and how to overcome the burnout hump which will allow you to stay refreshed for the man waiting for you!
WHAT IS DATING BURNOUT?
When dating feels like a chore. Plain and simple. It’s a thing on your to-do list and you can’t wait to check it off. I wish I was being dramatic, but this is absolutely what it feels like. I remember being on a date thinking about how I was looking forward to cleaning my apartment afterwards. Dating. Burnout. No one should be thinking about chores on a date. No one. Dating burnout can lead to passive aggression you may not even realize. This can take form in several forms: complaining about past dating experiences, negative or hostile comments about men and even a form of self sabotage with dates. I remember telling my best friend before a date “can’t wait to go on another crappy date!” in a sarcastic, passive aggressive manner. Dating burnout.
HOW TO OVERCOME BURNOUT
Acknowledge your feelings
You may feel upset, saddened, or absolutely enraged by the thought of dating. Listen to your body. It needs a break. Write down your feelings on paper. Tell your best friend. It’s important to acknowledge these feelings and not mask them.
Take a break from dating
Literally stop dating. Give yourself a week, 2 weeks, 1 month. 3 months. Whatever you need. No dates. Put all your dating apps on “pause”. And actually stay off them. Take a break from dating. Whether it’s a week or a couple months – however long it takes you to become excited about dating again. Dating shouldn’t feel like a chore.
Invest time in things that make you feel fulfilled
Now is the time to invest time in other things that make you happy. Maybe it’s a sport or hobby. Spending more time with friends and family. Starting a new workout routine. Taking an online course. Opening a side business. All these things will strengthen your confidence and upgrade your quality of life before even meeting your man.
Revisit your feelings
When you feel as though you’re over burnout, be honest about your feelings. And don’t rush it. Write down your feelings about dating. Read them out loud back to you. Talk with a therapist, friend or trusted family member. It’s important you reach a place where you’re happy as a single gal and looking for an addition to your life, not a missing puzzle piece.
HOW TO AVOID BURNOUT
Be Selective Of Potential Suitors
The number one way to avoid dating burnout is to be selective of potential suitors. If you’re using a dating app – it’s time to apply those filters! Filter out your non negotiables – whether it’s religion, smoking, kids and more. Only go on dates with people you can see yourself with longterm.
Space Out Your Dates
If dating takes a mental toll on you – make sure to space out your dates. I’ve made the mistake of planning two dates back-to-back – both flops. That was enough to burn me out for a month.
Shorten Your Dates
If you’re going on dates with multiple men – shorten the length of time you spend on each date. It’s easy to get carried away and spend the majority of the night with someone. Let your date know you have plans after (mine usually involve me sleeping in my bed) and set an alarm on your phone. Once the alarm goes off – wrap up the date. Whether it goes well or not – you’ll either save yourself time with someone who isn’t it or leave the person you’re into wanting more next time.
Cut Them Off Quick
If you know someone isn’t for you – cut them off immediately. Don’t waste any more time. Don’t worry about hurting their feelings, either. Thank your date for his time and tell him you don’t feel as though you’re a match. And don’t feel bad about it.
Record The Good
When you’re experiencing dating burnout “what a waste of time” may come to your mind. Time spent getting to know someone who disappears from your life shortly after can feel like the biggest waste of time and energy. But every date you go on is important. Why? Whether you’re aware of it or not – you’ll learn something on every date. Something you like in a partner – something you dislike. A non-negotiable you may have never thought of before. You may learn a quality or treat in a partner has a larger importance than you thought. Create a list on your phone. Write down the name of each date. Nicknames will also do. Under each name, write at least one thing you learned from that person. Maybe it’s “I need someone who will give me their full attention” or “I won’t date someone who smokes cigarettes”. These lessons make all the misconnections worth it. Trust me.
Guard Your Happy
Above all else, guard your happy. Don’t let a bad date or misconnection steal your joy. It may seem impossible but don’t take it personally. Bad date? Great, one step closer to finding your dream guy. As my brother says “never, ever, ever give up”. You never know who might enter your life when you least expect it.